nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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