My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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