bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You should frame my arrest warrant.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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