walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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