First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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