I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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