Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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