Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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