i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
