I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
