You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
