I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
