Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
