I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
