you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
