U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
