Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
