The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
