and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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