Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
