Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
