do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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