so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
