he shaved USA in his pubs
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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