i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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