The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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