your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
