Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
