i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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