I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
