Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
