Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
