bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
