I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
