i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
