So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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