Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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