Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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