he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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