is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
