Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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