My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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