Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
