That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
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