I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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