I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
