exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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