Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
