none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
