She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i came on her dog
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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