I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
