You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
