i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
